You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
