my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
