Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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