yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
