where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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