you're like a bully in the Christmas story
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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