Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
