Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
