So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
