This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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