Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I skipped work to stalk him.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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