she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
