Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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