go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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