We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
