I accidentally had phone sex last night
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
