North Korea, Best Korea!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
