I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
