i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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