Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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