Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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