U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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