He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
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I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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