What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize