genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
