Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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