she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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