Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
