Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
