I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
