im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
