don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
