I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
