the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
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I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
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In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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