The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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