you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
