I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
