Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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