So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
