I want to make a zoo with you.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
home. puking in laundry basket.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
