Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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