I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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