i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
