you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Ladies don't puke and tell
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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