when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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