awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
