I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
