I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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