i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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