I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
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My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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