Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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