Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
