honey bunches of taint.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
