When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
