but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?