i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me