dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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