You just made me feel so damn special
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
