I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Still dying that you shit outside
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
