Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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