dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
