And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
